Holiday Melancholy

I had a meeting with some cohorts last night and we each went around the table to talk about a fond Christmas/holiday memory. Three of us each had a nice story to share, two of them about a specific gift. Mine was a combination of vignettes: Attending late night Christmas Eve service at the Episcopal church to which we belonged (I explained it as "mass-ish". Since I keep imagining that Episcopals are like the wild cousins of Catholics, I tend to describe everything in Catholic terms, with the suffixes of "ish", "esue" or "-like" at the ends of them). Anyway, I also recalled one Christmas morning in particular when our parents awoke us and it was still dark, about 4 a.m. We all opened our presents and, when we finished, we disappeared into our rooms to play while our parents went to sleep. They'd been awake all night wrapping presents (packages for five kids takes some time. Having three of my own, I can understand).

One of my friends was uncomfortably silent, then explained that Christmas was a time of trauma for her and we respected her unwillingness to elaborate on it. She did say that it has gotten better for her, now that she has her own child.

Another friend, the one with the memory of a wonderful sweater, explained that she no longer celebrates Christmas, that her husband and daughter simply don't get caught up in the bluster of it all. Her husband is Bhuddist, but that's not why they don't celebrate. The two of the decided, before their daughter was born, that they weren't going to start the rat race with her and stepped out of the game. The allow her to receive presents from friends and grandparents and others, they just don't participate. At first, we were all puzzled and imagined that this must be some terrible life for the child, like the Crawford household ("You may choose ONE present, Christina. The rest will go to the poor children.") but, upon reflection, we realized we'd not have batted an eye had she been Jewish or Jehovah's Witness or Hindu or whatever, if there had been a reason based upon doctine or rules rather than free will. Like, it would take a separate God to take presents and shopping and trees away from us.

The funny thing is, she was the calmest person at the table last night.