Dear Sarah Palin

As we lead up to the all important election, I'm choosing to post a semi-regular column entitled, "Dear Sarah" So that we can all benefit from the sage advice of our possible, future VP.

Dear Sarah,

I was at a dinner party when the hostess, who was drunk, suddenly launched into an off key (and off color) version of "Itsy Bitsy Teeny Weeny Yellow Polka Dot Bikini". The problem is, my former wife was killed by a shark and all that washed up on the shore was the exact thing that the hostess was singing. I chose not to say anything, but as a result, the fondue was more of a "fon-don't" if you know what I mean. What should I do next time?

Bikini waxing nostalgia

Dear BWN,

I hear ya, champ. Back in my hometown of Wasilla, we have a saying: "Drill, Kill, then take a pill." What does that have to do with yer problem? Not a whole heckofa lot! Ya see, we gotta spread demcracy in the world and that's not just limited to our neighbors that we can see from our front porch, ya know. I'd say that bein tolerant of your friend's choice ta drink and sing is important. I have lotsa friends who drink and sing and if that's their choice then I'm not one to judge. Not out loud, anyway, if ya know what I mean and I'm sher ya do. Like that time when Todd and his buddy went fer their monthly snowmachine racing trip and I tied a note onto the handle and when it came back the note was still there and the tank was still full of the colored gas that I tinted before they left. I'm not one to judge, by golly, but I sher woulda felt better if that tank had been empty dontcha know. So, BWN, buck up and go shoot a wolf next time. Believe me, killin things makes life a lot easier sometimes!

Obliviously yours,
Sarah