There Goes the Gayborhood...

So, 4 out of 7 California Supreme Court justices recommend equality for their citizens who choose marriage. Outstanding. The only negative for me in that little item is that 3 out 7 are fearful that the entire planet will implode when two men or two women have their relationship upheld along with opposite gender couples. Here's a snippet of the report from CNN:

"There can be no doubt that extending the designation of marriage to same-sex couples, rather than denying it to all couples, is the equal protection remedy that is most consistent with our state's general legislative policy and preference," Thursday's ruling read.
Accordingly, the law's language "limiting the designation of marriage to a 'union between a man and a woman' is unconstitutional, and ... the remaining statutory language must be understood as making the designation of marriage available to both opposite-sex and same-sex couples," it read.

For the naysayers, if you don't haul out the old, "Adam and Eve/Adam and Steve" and "What about polygamy and marrying your dog" argument, I won't get into the old, "Look at thrice married Rush Limbaugh" or "Britney Spears models the sanctity of marriage" or "Levitcus also says you should stone to death your disrespectful children" arguments. The term "sanctity of marriage" is a simple term used when the person saying it doesn't really want to deal with the complex issues around relationships, partnerships and his or her own fears. "What about the sanctity of marriage?" they say, upon discovering infidelity. "The sanctity of marraige compels you to obey me!" "Oh dear, now that gays can marry, the sanctity of my marraige is shattered." The reality is, in this day and age, marriage is a legal recognition gifted by the government to protect (and take advantage of) two people's relationship. What it means in the heart, what the partnership is at its very core, can never be defined by a piece of paper--whether it's you and your wife who have it or the two men next door.

My partner and I have been married twice--to one another. Once in Portland, Oregon, again in Canada. Did it make our relationship stronger? Did it make us feel like we were more legitimate? Honestly, it did. At the moment, we had this sense of validation if only because we were finally being awarded the same thing that "normal" (as a co-worker once harmlessly called us) couples receive. For about a day or two, we rode the high of having had our relatioship blessed by an official "relationship blesser" and, of course, having our family there. But once the cake was eaten and everyone had gone home, we were left with what we had before: A pretty stable, loving partnership, one in which each of us often takes care of our own needs first and, occasionally, places our partner's needs before ours. Where we misplace our keys, neglect the dusting, argue, make up, hug our children, cook dinner, disagree over how to load the dishwasher and tell one another "I love you" on a daily basis. The marriage certificate we have framed is a nice symbol for what someone once tried to give us and of the beautful event that was our wedding. But in the reality of daily life, it doesn't form the foundation of who and what we are.

So what am I saying? Do I care that California may allow gay marriage now? Do I want Washington state to do the same? Of course. Will it make me love my partner more? No. Will it cause any of my sons to suddenly broaden their search of potential life partners to include males now? Likely not. What it will do is give me the simple things that anyone wants with the person they love. To exist with him or her, enjoying the same rights that his or her straight neighbors have. The recognition of the agreement to be a partnership, no judgements on their worthiness, stability, prettiness or palatbility. Just an equal support of their desire to be with one another and of the dream that they may grow old as a couple.

A Real Cereal Killer

I came across the website The Imaginary World the other day when I was looking for the name of a cereal that I remembered having once--ONCE--as a kid (we were not the "sugar cereal" kind of family. In fact, we were the anti-sugar cereal family. The bowls of puffed rice and puffed wheat that I most recall could have easily doubled as packing filler). Anyway, as soon as I found the picture of the "Freakies" cereal box, a flood of warm memories washed over me, finding that goulish rubber figure tucked near the bottom of the box. I don't remember what the cereal tasted like, but I'm sure it was sugar-laden and probably really abrasive, like a lot of those cereals were. You know, eat a bowl of Cap'n Crunch or Honeycomb ("Big Big crunch in a big, big bite!") or Cookie Crisp, then swish a dose of orange juice around in your mouth and see what I mean. Anyway, it's a fun site to go through not only to see the toys, foods and ads that you remember (or don't remember) but to get a sense of the absurdities that have passed through Madison Avenue. I like to imagine an ideas meeting where a guy raises his hand and says, "I know...how about a mascot that looks like a lit up, alcoholic Wall Street tycoon who would sooner knife you in the back or kidnap your child than serve you dinner?"

Ahh...good times.

Another Human Being Saved

James Lee Woodard is a man experiencing an unexpected, greatly deserved rebirth. Another in a line of embarassing "Oops, we're sorry we stole half of your life away from you" moments in the American justice system, Mr. Woodard was freed after having spent TWENTY SEVEN YEARS of his life in prison for a murder he didn't commit. (Bonus points--guess which state? If you guessed that one that puts out oil and a president who can hardly steer a bicycle along a trail much less steer a country, then you win!) Thanks to the Innoncence Project , Mr. Woodard can somehow start to assemble the rest of his life. At age 55, he certainly still has many years ahead of him, though probably even more behind him that he'd rather forget. Sentenced to life in prison, I imagine the only thing Woodard can be thankful for is that he didn't get the death penalty. In the 27 years he was behind bars, Texas exectuted 406, according to the site TexasExecutions.com. And according to the Innocence Project, 31 individuals in Texas have been exonerated by DNA testing alone. It's not clear how many prisoners have been moved from death row due to overturned cases, but one can only imagine how many still remain to be proven innocent. Feelings about state-sanctioned killing of guilty people aside, the mere fact that there can be one person executed for a crime that he or she didn't commit should wipe the laws from the books with no discussion whatsoever. In the movies (and in real life), there are many unhappy endings where a reactionary mob or angry lover pulls the trigger or cinches the noose, only to walk away dazed when the reality of innocence comes to light. It's the consequence of violent impulse and shortsighted justice. When we have the luxury of time and science, why do we continue to hear about underrepresented prisoners begging to be heard?

**It is often easier to become outraged by injustice half a world away than by oppression and discrimination half a block from home. ~Carl T. Rowan

A Stimulating Thought

When the solution to a failing economy is to sink us deeper into debt, flush the system with money so that we can buy more HD televisions, Crocs and I-phones, I can only imagine that if my grandparents (who lived through the depression) were alive today they'd, well...keel over. I have a thought! How about taking that $168 billion and putting it into the continued (?) efforts to rebuild New Orleans or the failing bridges and roads around the country. Remember the roads projects in the 30's? I think that money spent shoring up our infastructure would be what they call investment in the future. It would get jobs going, income flowing and, in turn, purchases would happen.

I read an interesting blog posting by Aria Fine, who hails from Minneapolis (I was just there on my book tour--funny...). His posting at http://blog.iamnotashamed.net/2008/04/25/if-we-are-just-giving-money-away-why-not-try-reparations/ puts forth some interesting ideas, not just about the conundrum of reparations, but about a more responsible use of those monies. I love it. Think. Be creative. Be proactive. Here are a few of my alternatives to using Walmart as a depository for my "gift" from G.W. Bush that's on its way:

1. Put it all toward your credit card. You're actually taking money away from them that way.

2. Give half to your neighborhood school's PTA/PTO fund.

3. Make a donation to your local library.

4. Put some toward your local food bank.

5. Send it where it's needed even more, where, for many people, basic food, housing and personal safety are lofty goals: http://www.alternativegifts.org/ or http://www.heifer.org/

6. Put it toward your 401K or retirement fund.

7. Visit a local community college or trade school and ask the counseling office if there are needy students who could use help buying text books for the upcoming quarter.

Make a difference that is meaningful.

Family: The Cheer(-y) of Relativity

This weekend I got a birthday card and a phone call from two of my siblings, both pleasant surprises since it's been only recently that we've had more consistent conversations with one another (consistent, meaning, regular time intervals between communication, not in the syntax and semantic sense). My sister explained to me that she had made it about halfway through my book, but has had to pause for a bit to take a breather, that the memories being brought up for her have been a challenge. My brother said essentially the same thing, though he hadn't even started the book yet. His relucatance has come from questions asked by his girlfriend and her mother, both of whom have read the book. He intends to read it and is happy that it's been written and is out there, but it's still a struggle. He really wants to talk more and has promised to call back later in the week. I must admit that there is an element of surprise on my part; I'm clearly ignorant in thinking that with all the baggage we all have from childhood, that there would have been no way NOT to have processed it over the years, as I have done. I guess I'd assumed that they'd have dealt with it, but apparently not. Looking at the struggles they have even today, it makes sense, I suppose. The toxicity of denial is...well, undeniable.

My neighbor had his family in town to visit for a long weekend and was pretty much out of commission the whole time. I think it might have been a stressful time for him since a brief phone call I made to him was exactly that--brief. I was talking to my partner and we were comparing the idea of family living nearby versus far away (my family vs. his family). I think that when family lives nearby it's easy to take one another for granted. Visits are sparse, short but communication is fairly frequent. When your family is far away, visits are sparse, long (when they happen) and communication is less frequent. I think that while having family come to visit is more valued ("It's been TOO long since we've seen each other!"), it can be overly stressful, since there is no getting away anytime soon. Maybe it's just me, but while I absolutely LOVE my family and enjoy the visits we have, I wonder what condition we'd all be in if we forced ourselves to stay in the same place for five days straight. Would this cluster of non or light drinkers, who have alcoholic DNA woven within us like a blanket, come out the other side with a bottle of Thunderbird wine in each hand, lurking outside the front doors of The Rainbow Lounge, tapping on the glass for the bartender to please open five minutes early? I wonder.

My Literary Rock Star Moment

This last Friday, I had the geat honor of hearing and meeting one of my longtime literary role models, Tobias Wolff (pictured with yours truly). I don't want to get all Annie Wilkes ("Misery") about it, so I won't gush. But the reading was wonderful and Mr. Wolff's graciousness and humility was a treat. 20 years of reading his work and to have him remember having read about my own book, showing a geniune interest and willingness to read it, was more than I ever would have imagined in my wildest dreams. I hadn't yet begun reading his new collection--partly because I was finishing Mary Roach's new book, partly because I was holding out since the longer I stretch the reading experience, the longer I'll have it to read--but on the ferry ride home that night, I cracked it open and had to struggle to put it down as we reached the dock.

I also had my final reading (for now) of my own book, "The Lyncher in Me" at our local bookstore here on Bainbridge Island. A great crowd, about 50 or so, including some family members. I admired that they were there, as I know it wasn't a comfortable spot to be in, knowing that all of these strangers around them were privvy to the most intimate of details of our family. The support was wonderful, though, and the feedback was validating. As great as it was, though, there's a certain level of relief to be done for awhile.

When Does a Childhood Joy Become a Childish Joy?

I been reading about a possible "Speed Racer" film for probably a decade or more--sometime ago I'd read a blurb that mentioned Charlie Sheen as a possible Speed. Remember when he was a viable candidate? Like, 1987 or something? I kept wondering what a live action Speed Racer would be like and I knew then that it would have to be done just right or it would be a bust. Man, I LOVED that show as a kid. Inspector Detector. Spritle. Racer X. And the villians were awesomely named. Dr. Femur and his daughter Calcia. Snake Oiler. Cruncher Block. Cheesy, yes, but many an afternoon was spent with my eyes glued to the screen, cheering on Speed (expecting Spritle and Chim to pop from the trunk where they had stowed away yet again) as he battled everyone who not only wanted to steal the race from him, but dominate the world as well. Those car racers--it's never simply about the checkered flag. And even though I was disappointed time after time when the film project got tanked (no pun intented), I think the Wachowskis are the perfect team for it. And judging from the THREE previews now available http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0811080/trailers it looks like the spirit of the show (some cheesiness, action and vibrant, kind of ADD-ish colors and action) shows up. Some may scoff, but I say, "Go, Speed Racer, Go!!"